Well, obviously I would not wish to antagonise a pack of zombie chickens. A very frightening prospect and, as I suspect they are not organic chickens, it could easily cause riots in Dulwich Village. I shall, therefore, as quickly as I can, pass on this tremendous honour. Who better to receive it than English Mum, who actually keeps chickens and (whisper it softly) also makes a delicious chicken pie? I would also like to award it to Rural Villager, who I’m sure has had a few brushes with chickens in her time, to Exmoor Jane, who has made a fantastic success of country life (unlike a few Mail on Sunday columnists we wouldn’t dream of naming), to Hadriana’s Treasures, who probably lives quite near a chicken or two (see my sure grasp of geography) and, lastly, but not leastly, to the fantabulous Linda, who could eat a live chicken for breakfast and I’m definitely not even going to mention plucking.

It was the lovely Linda her very self who sent me this “Call Yourself a Writer?” meme:

Which words do you use too much in your writing? Well obviously, I over-use obviously, obviously. And, of course, there’s of course, of course.

Which words do you consider overused in stuff you read? I love other people’s words.

What’s your favourite piece of writing by you? Would have to be my novel, Hot Chocolate to be published in March in German by the uber-wonderful Ulstein, with the title Schokohertz. I don’t believe I’ve mentioned it for, oh, a month ……other than that, I did do some fabulous interviews when I worked on the Daily Express, though I say so myself.

What’s your favourite piece of writing by someone else? Nothing equals the first naughty sentence of Pride and Prejudice. That Jane Austen, she was a one. Otherwise, anything, any day, by my Disney 7 chums. Six different approaches to life, every single one brilliant.

Regrets, do you have a few? Is there anything you wish you hadn’t written? Oh, gosh, yes. I’m a terror for replying in haste and repenting at leisure. Worst is pressing ‘reply all’. Shudder. And that’s just email. Many, many a text should never, ever have been pinged across to True Love.

How has your writing made a difference? What do you consider your most important piece of writing? If my writing has made a difference (which is a point for debate), maybe occasionally it’s cheered people up when I’ve made a joke that has worked. Someone did once say they’d wet themselves after reading one of my tales and that did give me a very warm glow of pride. I may ask Tena to sponsor me.

Name three favourite words Can I please have four? Serendipity, sussuration, cellar door. …And three words you’re not so keen on ‘But you promised ….’ (accompanied by hours of whining).

Do you have a writing mentor, role model or inspiration? I had a fantastic English teacher at school, Mrs Lindsay, who had very thick, wavy dark hair and quite an air of mystery. I loved the way she would take great bunches of her hair and throw it behind her to emphasise a point. I’ve modelled myself on her ever since, with absolutely no success at all.

What’s your writing ambition? To finish my second novel and get both books published in the UK.

I’d like to pass this on to other blogger/writer friends: Pottymummy Dulwich Mum Crystal Jigsaw Kate Morris Half Mum Half Biscuit

This tag is all about favourite film characters. Hmm, it got me thinking. My favourite ever film roles? Naturally, my mind wandered to Bergman and the early works of Bunuel, while I pondered long and hard, of course, on the epic Fitzcaraldo ……..but no, there was no contest really. I saw again, in my mind’s eye, that fair expanse of English lawn, with a big house mistily in the background, and a certain someone striding forward ….

1.Yes, I’m afraid standing proudly at Number One in my list is Colin Firth as Mr Darcy, in that drenched shirt and those shiny leather boots, wading out of the pond at Pemberley and into the arms of Elizabeth Bennett. New Prides and Prejudices may come and go, and I did even quite like Bride and Prejudice and Lost in Austen, but no one does it quite like Colin. Sigh.

2. I adore the film Some Like It Hot and, in it, Marilyn Monroe is at her most incandescently beautiful – and she’s very, very funny.

3. Harrison Ford in Blade Runner. What can I say? I’m just a sucker for a strong man. Harrison doesn’t even have Pemberley to whisk me home to but I’d still jump up into the cab of his truck at the end every single time ….

4. Natassja Kinski as Thomas Hardy’s Tess of the D’Urbervilles. I saw this film when I was very young and the perfidy of Angel Clare still shocks me, even though I’ve now seen worse in real life. How could he abandon his Tess? Interestingly, I quite recently came across this poem by Thomas Hardy which has quite a different view of fallen women ….

5. Marisa Tomei plays a brilliant cameo in the film My Cousin Vinnie, as the world’s most unlikely – but most convincing – expert witness. A real ‘you go, girl’ moment.

6. Audrey Tatou in Le Fabuleux Destin d’Amelie Poulain. A quirky gem. When I first settled down to watch this when I was living in Brussels, a large rat ran across the floor, signalling a huge infestation which took months to quell, and a very unpleasant chapter in my life. Despite this, I have a soft spot for Amelie’s optimism and wish I possessed it myself.

7. Ralph Fiennes in The English Patient. I found the book very annoying but the film, from the first shots of the undulating gold of the desert, is beautiful and moving. And, of course, it’s the story of a doomed love affair. I’m like a moth to a flame.

8. Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Okay, I know I’m not supposed to admit to liking stuff like this, but yes, I am a hopeless romantic and I find this simple Cinderella tale curiously compelling. Of course, some of its messages are rather curious – become a hooker and meet the man of your dreams, for instance – but who could resist Julia Robert’s watermelon smile? And Richard Gere is delish.

9. Richard Burton in Anne of A Thousand Days. Another alpha male, this time one with a murderous glint in his eye. I just fall for them every time. I saw this as an eleven year old and fell madly in love with the Tudors and history in general. Plus is that a dagger in his codpiece, or is he just very, very pleased to see us?

10. The Lion King. There are a lot of Disney films which I adore, but I’ve always particularly loved this one. The idea of the circle of life is so pleasing and helps children to understand and come to terms with a lot, the wildebeest stampede is edge-of-your-seat scary and Timon and Pumba are irresistible. What’s that you say? Mufasa is yet another alpha male? You know, that just hadn’t occured to me at all …..

Part of Linda’s instructions were to pass the tag along, so I now hand the baton to some lovely bloggy friends:

Chic Mama
Hot Cross Mum
Mumplustwo
Angel Bluestocking
Geekymummy

I swish up to the podium in my finest fishtail taffeta – in emerald green, since you ask. Around my neck is a simple choker of precious stones, given to me by TL. I clear my throat. I begin.

Some of my adorable friends have seen fit to honour little me (tiny, modest cough, and the merest fetching hint of a blush – not a menopausal tide of puce, definitely not) with some of the finest blogging awards known to, er, bloggers. First of all, thank you so much to dearest Coding Mama Tasha and to the lovely Mum-E for the Honest Scrap award, which I shall display with tremendous pride on my virtual mantlepiece. With this award, I must choose 7 other blogs to pass the coveted gong onto, and list 10 facts about myself as well.

I rustle with the traditional golden envelope. Unbearable tension in the audience. Someone coughs nervously. I frown at them, (though obviously not in a way which would cause what l’Oreal calls ‘deep wrinkles’) then rip the envelope open.

My seven other bloggers:
MelRoxx
Maternal Tales
Half Mum Half Biscuit
It’s a Small World
Rosiero
Dancinfairy
Perfectly Happy Mum

Ten facts about me
I lived Abroad for eight years.
I was put up a class in infants’ school but no-one explained the sums to me and I’ve been a bit confused ever since.
I speak fluent French.
I’m learning ballroom dancing and recently came 5th in a Merengue competition! Admittedly there were only 7 people involved.
I get very ratty when I am too hot. Or too cold. Or if it’s windy/rainy/snowy or cloudy.
I have an honours degree in Modern History and adore Simon Schama, even after Dead Ringers made him look like a mincing ninny in a too-tight leather jacket.
I hate going on holiday and would almost always rather stay at home.
I am never happier than when clearing out a cupboard.
I could easily spend all day in bed eating chocolate.
I am very lucky.

Now I turn to the gorgeous Maternal Tales, who has given me a lovely award for Words like Roses – very poetic! I am not entirely sure I am worthy. I ought, really, to make up an ode at least to grace my acceptance speech. But, after careful consideration, I’ve decided to spare you this time. My only task, therefore, is to pass the baton on to five others.

And the five are (rustle, rustle, as I drop envelope, pick it up, rifle through it and finally drag out the winning names):

Diaries of a desperate exmoor woman
Have a lovely time
Are we nearly there yet mummy?
Crystal Jigsaw
Potty Mummy.

And, without further ado, I come to the end of the prize giving ceremony for this summer, with a tag from both Mum’s the Word and It’s a Small World.

8 Things I’m looking forward to
The school holidays – lovely, lovely lie-ins
Our holiday in Sweden – though I don’t really like leaving home, the cottage we’re going to in Sweden looks gorgeous.
Visiting my great friend in Wales with my girls and another old friend. High jinks!
Re-reading The Leopard for my book group. An excellent choice, though I do say so myself!
Seeing my younger brother and his family in early August
Watching the garden being landscaped, starting on Thursday!
Going ahead with some fitted cupboards – yes, my life really is this exciting!
A large glass of cold Chardonnay this evening
8 Things I did yesterday
Took girls to Bluewater
Bought icing piping set – why oh why?
Bought enormous plastic lemon-shaped box to store …. bits of lemon in. Losing plot completely.
Let the girls try on EVERYTHING in H&M – they were so happy
Found a T-shirt that Child Two looks lovely in – for £1!
Dragged everyone round Sainsbury’s even though we were exhausted.
Found bottle of rosewater and the saffron.
Used Ottolenghi cookbook for the first time to make butternut squash couscous. Delicious!
8 Things I wish I could do
The splits
Leave things untidy
Finish novel number 2 – or at least edit the first draft
Lose a stone with no effort involved (and certainly no diminution in my chocolate peanut intake)
Persuade the girls that it is possible to use public transport.
Travel light
Carry a tune
Take things less seriously
8 Favourite fruits ( I seriously can’t believe anyone cares what fruit I prefer but it’s part of the tag so ….)
Italian peaches
English strawberries
Scottish raspberries
Mangoes
Pineapple
Clementines
Cherries

8 Places I’d like to travel (I’m not mad keen on travelling so this is a stretch – most of these I’ve been to before and wouldn’t mind going back if I was forced and someone did the packing for me)
Sienna
Sicily
Paris
Vienna
Warsaw
Sweden
New York
Lake District

8 Places I’ve lived
Birmingham!
Blackheath
St Andrews
Stockwell
Borough
Kentish Town
Clapham
Dulwich

8 Lovely people I’m tagging.
Littlemummy
Lulu
er …. do you know what, I’m simply exhausted. If there’s anyone out there who hasn’t done this and would like to, then please feel very free. Likewise, if any of my nominees have already had their tags/awards, then please don’t feel obliged. I think we could all do with a little lie down.

So without further ado, I shall just thank everyone who knows me and I shall sashay off in my fishtail frock. And I most definitely will not fall over.