Good taste

February 10, 2010

green and blacksThe Scene: the sitting room at Divorce Towers

The Cast: Dulwich Divorcee, Child One, Child Two and a special guest star appearance by True Love.  

Act One

The lights go up as the four participants are clustered around a single piece of paper. ‘Don’t rip it!’ ‘It’s mine!’ ‘Get off,’ and ‘Could you all just go away, this is my taste test,’ ring out into the still Dulwich night.

On the floor, being trampled, are eight bars of Green & Black’s chocolate.  The cat pops in and starts trying to sneak off with the white chocolate bar while everyone’s arguing …..

Unseen, next door, the neighbour’s finger hovers over the final digit of the 999 call ……

Act Two

‘Right, thank goodness that’s sorted out. I’m in charge and we’re going to do it like it says on the piece of paper. First, we are going to observe the chocolate.’ High pitched teenage giggles break out.

‘Anyone not observing the chocolate can leave. ‘ The giggles are hastily surpressed and the neighbour reluctantly replaces the receiver next door and stomps off to bed, reminding himself to put his earplugs in. They’re evidently making a night of it next door. Again.

‘Now we are going to smell the chocolate.’ Giggles are now reaching a near-hysterical pitch.

‘Next we will take One Small Square Each, put it in our mouths, and hold our noses.’ The giggles become curiously porcine honks at this point.

‘This is allowing us to experience the taste in the mouth, as opposed to the flavour, which is perceived by the olfactory gland in the nasal canal.’ ‘Yeah, yeah, we knew that,’ say the children as best they can with their noses pinched.

‘Now let go of your nose and breathe deeply, sensing the aromas ….’

Oh dear. That’s torn it ….

Act Three

Once the demon cocoa flavours have been released, there is no stopping three-quarters of the tasting team. Picture werewolves as the moon comes up. Imagine, if you will, a vampire in close proximity to a trembling, naked white neck. See, in your mind’s eye, a juicy steak moments before a lion sinks its teeth into it. A feeding frenzy begins.

As the light fades, the divorcee tiptoes away, to take refuge somewhere a little more civilised. All that unrestrained chomping is simply giving her a headache.

‘Oi! Hang on a minute, who’s taken the Butterscotch?  And where did the Milk Chocolate and Almond go? She’s only left us with the dark and the cooking chocolate. Typical!’

The divorcee reclines on her chaise longue, smiling slightly, and sends a silent prayer of thanks to the lovely Tara.

The curtain falls.

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  • Sparx February 10, 2010 at 8:29 am

    Wow. That sounded like fun. Although my tummy hurts just thinking about eating all that chocolate. And oh: butterscotch?

    • Dulwich Divorcee February 17, 2010 at 12:06 pm

      Hi Sparx, you’re obviously not in training if your tum hurts at the thought of choc! I dare you to try the butterscotch – sounds a bit sickly, tastes yuuuuum

  • English Mum February 10, 2010 at 8:36 am

    *standing ovation*

    I happen to be stuffing my butterscotch one into my face at this very minute. Bless Auntie Tara :o)

    • Dulwich Divorcee February 17, 2010 at 12:07 pm

      Bless the lovely Tara indeed. Though I may have to charge her for a whole new wardrobe as everything is feeling a bit, er, pinchy this morning and it’s all her fault xx

  • Rosie Scribble February 10, 2010 at 8:39 am

    Can you believe it? A fight broke out in our house between me and a stubborn little six-year-old over the Butterscotch. Suffice to say I won. I hid it under the sofa cover. Childish I know but I wasn’t prepared to share!

    • Dulwich Divorcee February 17, 2010 at 12:09 pm

      You’re so right, Rosie. Children need boundaries, after all ….and butterscotch G&B is definitely grown-up territory. My sofa was very lumpy for a while but now I’ve eaten everything, sob x

  • Tara February 10, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    It’s like a scene in my house my weeks. Only between hubby and I . . . no, I have no shame (and yes, I usually win!)

    • Dulwich Divorcee February 17, 2010 at 12:09 pm

      I should think so too, Tara. After all, you are the Chocolate Queen and should be revered as such. And, ahem, do you have any more? No, no that’s greedy. I didn’t even say that xx

  • geekymummy February 10, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    Mmm! I love the white chocolate vanilla bean.

    • Dulwich Divorcee February 17, 2010 at 12:10 pm

      Do you??? It’s my least fave. If you weren’t so far away, it would be in the post x

  • Crystal Jigsaw February 11, 2010 at 6:44 am

    I’d happily be a taste tester. And I’ll come to your production too, very entertaining.

    CJ xx

    • Dulwich Divorcee February 17, 2010 at 12:10 pm

      Thanks, CJ, you’re welcome any time to the best seats in the house! xx

  • rosiero February 11, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    What else can a girl do in this cold weather?

    • Dulwich Divorcee February 17, 2010 at 12:11 pm

      Exactly, Rosiero, we have to make our own entertainment in these chilly times 🙂

  • Muummmeeeee! February 12, 2010 at 11:04 am

    Have never tried Green & Black chocs before but am off on a hunt for the Butterscotch variety tomorrow – sounds heavenly…

    • Dulwich Divorcee February 17, 2010 at 12:11 pm

      Hope you found some butterscotch, Mummeeee, though I have a feeling it may be all sold out in the vicinity of Dulwich, funny that ….

  • Metropolitan Mum February 25, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    Tara shared chocolat with you? Wow.