Handbag tag

March 2, 2010

Lovely Exmoorjane has tagged me and challenged me to reveal the contents of my handbag to the world.

Now this would probably have been a much more painful exercise if I hadn’t decided to Transfer yesterday. For those of you not in the know with handbags (I’m probably talking men here) Transferring is a sacred ritual which takes place, in my case, two to three times a year. My Transfers tend to be seasonal, or to be carried out when a Handbag Mistake has been made. Unfortunately, I recently made a terrible Handbag Mistake, buying a bag in a shade of purple which, at the time, I thought was cheery, and then discovered that, in natural daylight, was retina-singeingly vile. But the less said about that the better. And the fact that I also bought a top to go with it, as though that was somehow going to make things better ….la la la la I’m singing now so I can’t read what I’m typing. It works better than you’d think. Don’t be surprised if both turn up on eBay soon though.

Anyhoo, back to the Transfer. During the Transference, the contents of the bag are removed, sand-blasted clean if necessary, pruned, restored and reorganised, then moved into – tada – a new bag. Now in my case, in the interests of economy etc (ahem, because I had just wasted a fortune on the purple monstrosity) the contents went into a rescusitated bag. In fact, this one is positively vintage, dating from the years of my marriage. It was, in fact, a rather lovely birthday present from Mr X, and the matching purse was a Christmas present. A few years (who am I kidding, months) ago, I would rather have ripped out my toenails with my own teeth than used this bag. It just shows what time and ill-advised purple can do for a gal.

lv bag

Now, as some of you know, I am so keen on bags that I have another handbag as my avatar on Facebook. This is partly because I am fighting a constant war against too much self-revelation (you may well wish to fall to the floor laughing at this point) and partly because I am a slave to Louis Vuitton.

The lovely Louis made this bag too, and I was really feeling rather swish this morning when I headed out with it, all lovely and pristine as I thought. I was actually rather smug sitting down to do this revelation as I thought, ‘I am just going to have the neatest handbag in town.’

Then I put the contents of the bag on my desk to photograph. Bear in mind, please, that I put this stuff in the bag on Sunday. This is what it looks like now:



OMG just doesn’t get near it.

This is what that pile of tat consists of:

4 biros, two nicked from Barclays Bank (hah, consider it my bonus, oh banking fat cats)  two fruit-scented gel ones nicked from my daughters

2 hair ties, grubby

1 iPhone sock, in pale blue

1 Sally Hansen natural shine nail varnish

4 crumped old tissue sachets

1 set of colouring pencils which Child One got in a kiddies’ lunch bag from M&S – she is so phobic about strange foodstuffs that the comfort of a tiny ham sandwich and juice box is still huge for both of us

1 token for a Swedish supermarket trolley, very useful in Sainsbury’s I don’t think

1 pink leather photo holder with pics of my girls

3 lipglosses,  Nivea, Juicy Tubes and Maybelline

1 makeup bag containing four old mascaras, two more lip glosses, a concealer which is a horrible salmon pink but which was expensive and I can’t bear to throw away, one moss green eye pencil and a tube of No7 protect and perfect

1 bottle of Advil painkillers, bought on my trip last year to Disneyworld – they are a gorgeous blue colour and look utterly poisonous.

1 packet of Neurofen

Hundreds of Pizza Express cinema vouchers which I will never get round to using

Purse containing umpteen loyalty cards which I still never manage to find when in the right shop

Security tag for work

Mini sewing kit from the last hotel I stayed in


Ancient furry tampon

Purse containing 97p

3 Marie Curie charity daffodil pins – gorgeous!

1 iPhone – unfortunately it doesn’t fit into the phone pocket of the bag – the bag is that old!! – but it’s been riding around happily on the mound of rubbish

1 Card from Child Two, made just before her first school trip away at the very tender age of 8 (we lived abroad then). I think she thought she might never see me again. I said I would always carry it in my handbag and, no matter how many Transfers I make, I always will.


Gosh, I’m a bit shocked at that tally. Now I’d really like a peek in some of your bags. I’m going to tag Chic Mama, Linda, Metropolitan Mum and Family Affairs.

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  • English Mum March 2, 2010 at 9:30 am

    Ooh I must do my one too – got it in the pipeline (so to speak). Well, that just shows me (adopts ‘Through the Keyhole’ – type voice), that this is a mummy who loves her babies but has kleptomaniac and obsessive tendencies (note Barclays pens and obsessive daffodil purchasing) and an obvious addiction to painkillers.

    Completely normal, then.

    • Dulwich Divorcee March 4, 2010 at 2:48 am

      Eeek! Now you mention it, there do seem to be a lot of stolen goods in there …..bit worrying ….I must point out I did buy the charity daffs fair and square though. It’s a fair cop on loving my babies and the painkillers though xx

  • Chic Mama March 2, 2010 at 9:40 am

    Ooo- thanks for the tag….I don’t think mine contains anything near as exciting as yours. :0) x

    • Dulwich Divorcee March 4, 2010 at 2:48 am

      I think you are going to have the most beautiful handbag in the world, that’s why I want a look inside! xx

  • Karen Kirk March 2, 2010 at 9:42 am

    Gosh, that was a brave thing to do! Would I? No way you’d all think what a tramp! I think there are things at the bottom of my hand bag that have evolved into new life forms!

    • Dulwich Divorcee March 4, 2010 at 2:49 am

      Oooh, now I definitely want to see your bag …..sounds like you could be making a breakthrough for medical science any day now 🙂

  • Family Affairs March 2, 2010 at 10:34 am

    OH NO OH NO….NOT THE CONTENTS OF MY BAG……I will be very ashamed. I’m sure. I hardly dare even put my hand in Lx

    • Dulwich Divorcee March 4, 2010 at 2:50 am

      Yep, I’m afraid so, get it all out and give it an airing, you’ll feel much better for it ….well, probably 🙂

  • geekymummy March 2, 2010 at 10:40 am

    I love the swedish supermarket token, you just never know when that might come in handy!

    • Dulwich Divorcee March 4, 2010 at 2:51 am

      I think the answer is almost never, Geekster, except perhaps in Sweden, where I am not likely to be for a couple of years ….still, I am obviously going to persist in carrying it around as I surely don’t have enough cr*p to lug about!

  • Metropolitan Mum March 2, 2010 at 10:41 am

    A furry tampon? Eeew, you are gross 😉 Luckily, I did this one already. And as I happened to be in the Caribbean last week, I was carrying around a bikini top (yes, I was going topless. shocking, I know. that’s what lots of sun and lots of margaritas do to you.).’s-in-your-bag/

    PS: Thanks for the tag!

    • Dulwich Divorcee March 4, 2010 at 2:56 am

      OMG, you have soooooooo outdone me there. The last time I wore a bikini was about 20 years ago and even then it was scary. I need a margarita just thinking about it ….yes, sorry about the tampon 🙂

  • Brit In Bosnia March 2, 2010 at 1:03 pm

    I dare not venture anywhere near the depths of my bag. There might be things growing there. You are a brave woman indeed!

    • Dulwich Divorcee March 4, 2010 at 2:57 am

      I only did it because I thought I was going to look good! Sadly, it didn’t quite work out the way I imagined …where have I heard that before?

  • Emma March 2, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    Gosh, I’m glad I haven’t been tagged in this. I don’t think the contents of my handbag really need to be seen my anyone! May have to complete a quick transfer just in case!!!!

    • Dulwich Divorcee March 4, 2010 at 2:58 am

      Ah, Emma, now you’ve whetted my appetite! Consider yourself well and truly tagged 🙂

  • Rosie Scribble March 3, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    There are a lot of drugs in your handbag.

    Just saying.


    • Dulwich Divorcee March 4, 2010 at 2:59 am

      Yes, thank you for that, Ms Scribble. Now what’s in YOUR handbag, I wonder?