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Happy ever after?

April 19, 2011

What on earth am I supposed to say about the Royal Wedding? On the one hand, they seem like a nice enough couple and she has certainly done her time and I’m sure feels that she deserves her day in white tulle. But marriage? Into that family? Is that a true reward for all that waiting around for a dithering, prematurely balding hooray to realise he’s never going to find anyone nicer/prettier/and now thinner? Can this really be what any sane woman would want? What does her mother feel as she sees her beautiful daughter about to be swallowed up by the Palace? Marriage is difficult enough under any circumstances. But in the Royal Family? Hidings to nothing, turkeys voting for Christmas and hell freezing over all spring to mind.

I suppose the alternative, Kate not getting to marry William after all, would seem like a total humiliation for the poor girl, and a very public one too. So this is probably the most graceful way out of her long stint as a loyal girlfriend. I hope she feels it was worth it in ten years’ time. And I hope by then she will have tactfully ‘lost’ that great albatross of an engagement ring that her fiance lumbered her with.

This has all come out a bit more vitriolic than I intended, but it’s been sparked by an email from a PR offering me a new iPad app on the Royal Wedding, designed for children. ‘Little princesses everywhere can enjoy the magic of the big day’, it coos. It features, I’m told, lots of interactive bits like the hot air balloon ride in Africa which led to the proposal. I’m afraid it got me sourly thinking, is there an interactive bit about hanging about while he flirts with other women in Boujis? Or goes out on benders with his fellow officers at Sandringham?

I thought long and hard about the harmful effects of fairy tales like Cinderella, which tell girls that if you sit around for long enough doing the dishes, your prince will come. Er, I don’t think so. Of course, I allowed myself to be swept away by the magic in the end – what girl doesn’t? And I am a firm believer in love conquering all, even cynicism. But there are limits, and the ‘Waity Katy finally gets her Matey’ app is definitely the limit for me.

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  • family affairs April 19, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    Well. I was very cross to find that one of my classmates sat about long enough and did indeed marry a prince – in Denmark. But they’re divorced now so something must have gone seriously wrong……

    I just can’t muster up any enthusiasm for this event at all. Going to hide under my bed whilst the street party is going on Lx

  • Dulwich Divorcee April 19, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    Hmm, well if he was anything like Hamlet then I can see exactly what went wrong. Did he send her to a nunnery? I hope she got a few small Danish islands in the divorce settlement at any rate x

  • English Mum April 19, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    Yup, I’m with Lu. My feelings on the event are mostly ‘meh’. I shall be back in Ireland by then, and nobody gives a poo about it over there anyway. x

    • Dulwich Divorcee April 19, 2011 at 6:06 pm

      I think ‘meh’ sums it up for me too. Though I confess I’d go to a street party just for the crisps and hanging out x

  • Emma April 19, 2011 at 9:45 pm

    I think that she’s crazy for wanting to marry into ‘the establishment’ but we are going to watch it on the big screen in Trafalgar Square and wear ridiculous plastic Union Jack hats and wave flags in the name of being patriotic 🙂 xx

  • Addy April 20, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    I shall wallow in all the horseguards and gold coaches bit, but like you I hold a breath for what will happen to the poor girl once the Royal Family have her in their clutches. Hope the ring gives her better luck than it did Diana