It doesn’t add up

September 25, 2012

Alarming news about the teenage girl running off with the 30-year-old teacher. Gah, what was she thinking of? What was he thinking of? I hope she gets home safely, and as soon as possible. And I have every sympathy for her poor mother and her family.

Mind you, it made me smile wrly when he turned out to be a maths teacher. Maths was my absolutely worst subject at school, and I only passed my O Level after two years of coaching. I just didn’t get it. The idea of running off with someone who might nag me about the appalling quality of my homework …. well, it would be more the stuff of nightmares than an elicit honeymoon.

Mind you, someone did eventually run off with the only male teacher at my all-girls school, despite the fact that he was (I’m sorry) dramatically unattractive. Think greasy-haired, bearded Open University lecturer in a fair isle pullover smoking a pipe. And he taught physics. My second worst subject.

I think some of these male teachers just exploit a teenage girl’s desire to run off with someone, anyone, who is a) male and b) not a parent, no matter what they look like or what sort of creep they must be. For what kind of 30-year-old man can really be interested in a teenager? Not a very nice one, is about the mildest way I can say it. At best, it must be exploitative – what? Is he seriously interested in her mind? – at worst, just plain paedo-pervy. Yuck. I’m sorry, maybe it’s the greatest love story never told. But the chances are, it isn’t.

Even at university, someone ran off with my history professor, which was a bit unfortunate as no one else knew as much about 15th century Holland and the course had to be ditched. The professor had also been supervising the girl’s coursework, and, surprise surprise, she got a First. I think there was more fuss about that than about his abandoned wife and children.

Of course, my thoughts always turn to Child One and Child Two – would they ever be tempted by the blandishments of a teacher? Child Two is at a girls’ school, which cuts down the risk, Child One is at a new school and hardly knows anyone well enough to run off with them. And, more to the point, I trust them both to let out the appropriate shudder and cry of ‘yuck’ at the very idea of an old man of 30 approaching them.

Cameron Diaz playing the archetypal Bad Teacher - too cool for school


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  • Lottie Lockwood September 25, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    It really doesn’t add up! How on earth did he think it would end? He must have realised that her parents and the police will eventually track them down, bring her home and lock him up… completely bloody brainless idiot…thank God he wasn’t teaching my daughter… she’d definitely do a runner with anyone who gave her the opportunity to get out of doing algebra 😉

    • Dulwich Divorcee September 25, 2012 at 2:18 pm

      Ha! Well I suppose she’s done her classmates a favour by getting rid of the maths teacher …. you’re right, he must be very, very naive to think he could possibly get away with it

  • janerowena September 26, 2012 at 9:30 am

    My husband is a very good-looking Head of Maths – so thank you for putting my mind at rest. Of course no-one in their right minds would want to run off with him. As it is, I have to put up with him reading maths books in bed. I can’t tell you how off-putting that is. Why can’t he be normal and read a nice thriller?

    • Dulwich Divorcee September 26, 2012 at 12:22 pm

      Ha! Love it. At least he won’t be stealing your thrillers before you’ve even had a chance to read them (yes, you, TL). Actually TL’s degree is in maths and I do appreciate his ability to work out how much 70 per cent off Phase Eight is actually going to cost. Though, of course, he could be adding discouraging extra noughts and I wouldn’t know …..

  • Nicola September 26, 2012 at 10:57 am

    When I was at school there was a female teacher doing the dirty with one of the 15 year old male students. Quite revolting I thought then, as I still do now. When you are 30 and choose to be with a 45 year old, that’s different – two consenting adults and age becomes only a number. But this. This is just plain icky and he should have known better. Sis, man!

    • Dulwich Divorcee September 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm

      I agree – something similar happened at Mr X’s old school, though it was the headmaster’s wife and she got through quite a number of boys before she was found out! Definitely abuse, whether it’s a man or woman doing it. And a crime, too, of course if they’re under age.

  • Naomi Richards September 30, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    I am not sure if this has ended yet but I wonder why they did not wait until she was 16. Things would have been easier for them both then. Temptation was too high I guess. Awful but it wont be the last teacher pupil runaway romance.