My ideal mate

June 8, 2008

I suppose I might as well admit it. I am a little less heartbroken these days – because I have spent the last week and a half with the perfect male. He never grabs the remote, he is happy to eat any old thing, he looks at me with the most adoring eyes and he never, ever interrupts. He has listened to my Secrets CD without making a single negative comment ( a massive feat) and was very supportive during the duvet crisis. He is warm, funny, and, not that I want to give away the secrets of the boudoir, lovely to cuddle up to at night.

On the downside, he is really a tincy bit whiffy, and the eating anything bit encompasses trying to nibble the cable on the children’s Wii (bought by their doting uncle, I wouldn’t have got one in a million) and a bit of Child Two’s arm.

Yes, he is none other than the lovely Dill, my glamorous friend B’s rabbit. As you know, I was braced for a terror and, while he does have some problems in sticking rigorously to his rabbit diet – and who wouldn’t, his food is rock hard little pellets that really don’t look that different from the rock hard little pellets that come out of him at the other end – in all other respects he has been the ideal guest. Even when staying for a few days at Mr X’s, he behaved impeccably, possibly because he was shut in the bathroom. Not that I was hoping he would eat X’s comfy chairs or ravage the wedding china, oh no, because I am sooooooo not like that.

It was with a heavy heart that I handed Dilly back to B, when she stopped in briefly between returning from the South of France and jetting off for a break in the Caribbean. She has other rabbit sitters lined up to cover her latest holiday. Indeed, there is something of a waiting list developing for Dill’s soothing, supportive male presence. With Euro 2008 looming, why am I not surprised?

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  • goodbyetoallfat June 8, 2008 at 6:15 pm

    They (they being research boffins in this instance) do say that having a fluffy pet (cat, dog, rabbit, guinea pig etc) and stroking its fur is very relaxing, and helps people to de-stress.

    Unfortunately I live in rented accommodation where every single rental agreement nowadays stipulates “no pets, no children”. Well I think the latter is *extremely* unlikely unless Archangel Gabriel visits me in my declining fertile years to let me know that I am going to become the latest recipient of miracle, non-penetrative pregnancy.

    But, hey ho, a fluffy friend would be nice if they were allowed.

    Is your friend hiring Dill out at special rates to stressed females during Euro 2008?!

  • rosiero June 9, 2008 at 5:02 am

    Make sure you don’t mistake his little chocolate pellets for the peanuts!!! Can easily be done.

  • slippers June 9, 2008 at 5:37 am

    Dear DD i have just bought a puppy and have thought of nothing else but my wood floor for days

  • Potty Mummy June 9, 2008 at 2:54 pm

    Hi DD, not sure if I have said congratulations on the column (jet lag is a terrible thing), but just in case not, brilliant news! And can you loan me your friend’s rabbit? Euro 2008 has indeed started, and since I am married to a Dutchman there is no respite…

  • DulwichDivorcee June 10, 2008 at 3:10 am

    Hi Goodbye, maybe it’s time for some sort of cyber-bunny deal using a webcam, so you could see the lovely Dill rampaging around his cage and get almost every benefit of pet ownership without having to deal with the pellet side of things ….

  • DulwichDivorcee June 10, 2008 at 3:11 am

    Slippers, lucky you having a little puppy, I’m afraid I’m with True Love on this one and just can’t make the commitment …not sure I’m a walkies kind of girl, except at a snail’s pace round the park of course ….

  • DulwichDivorcee June 10, 2008 at 3:13 am

    Dear Potty, so glad you are back on these shores after your epic voyage, it sounded fab but there’s no place like home ….I’m going to have to check with B re Dilly but she’s still sunning herself on her tropical island …I don’t envy you going through all the footy with a Dutchman, though it must be nice to have a chance of winning …..

  • DulwichDivorcee June 10, 2008 at 3:14 am

    ps Potty, thanks so much re the column, it’s been very exciting! And there’s a new one on-line today, have a look if you have time! x

  • Lindsay June 10, 2008 at 7:52 am

    Have enjoyed the 2nd installation in The Times. When I got divorced in 1969 – “divorce” was taboo. I was shunned by a few friends and definitely my parents’ friends made some unfortunate comments. I overheard my mum on the phone defending me to the hilt!

  • DulwichDivorcee June 10, 2008 at 8:05 am

    Hi Lindsay, just popped over to your blog and it’s just like a lovely walk in the country! Thanks for visiting my Times musings – you must have been quite a trailblazer in 1969. I’m glad you had a supportive mother – sniff!

  • goodbyetoallfat June 11, 2008 at 5:37 pm

    Hi DD,

    I’ve just read your latest Times column and wanted you to know that not ALL children hate divorce.

    As a teenager living in a very dysfunctional family (mother smoked and drank to excess, father was abusive with a violent temper and both of them constantly arguing and shouting — both with themselves and us kids) I used to actually PRAY that my parents would do the only decent thing and split up / get divorced.

    I had this idea that it would actually help if they were no longer living together and constantly at loggerheads …. I’ve just mentioned it briefly in my blog today.

    However, I am probably one of those kids who WANTED their parents to divorce, whose stupid dysfunctional parents REFUSED to do the decent thing …. whereas it’s always kids whose parents DO split up who seem to be the ones who moan they wish their parents were still together.

    Oh to be a parent! How can you possibly get it right? !!!