July 27, 2010

I never, ever thought this would happen. I’m in complete shock. I don’t know quite how it’s all come about. But I am doing something, tomorrow, that I always swore blind I would never do. Which I never thought I could ever be persuaded into. Which I’ve always thought should be made illegal anyway.


Yes, I’m going camping.

And not even to a civilised place like that one where there are permanent tents and proper loos and you can hire a chicken to play with for the weekend. No, I’m going to a no-holds-barred, feral, muddy (no doubt) proper camping site, where you have to construct your tent yourself and then sleep in it.

God knows what’s come over me.

Well, it’s the children, of course. I sent them off camping with a friend last year, and they loved it. And came back and began 364 days of persuasion, cajoling and outright nagging.

I’ve given in. We’re going with friends who more or less camp for a living. There’ll be someone to put the tent together for me, and someone else to blow up my lilo (I mean, for God’s sake, why would anyone over the age of 3 want to sleep on a lilo? It’s madness, madness I tell you ….). I am getting seriously worried.

It’s partly because the said experienced friends have been ringing up all week with little messages like, ‘you may need to buy a collapsible chair.’ A collapsible chair?? WTF? Why does anyone need one of those? ‘Just get one, or you’ll be in a bad mood.’ Fine. I bought one, from Asda. It’s hideous, naturally.

Then came another little call. ‘You’ll need a lantern.’ A what? Do they even have those outside historical novels? And what on earth will I be doing with it, sending signals to smugglers? ‘You may need it to, er, find your knickers.’ Whaaat? I shall be wearing my knickers, thank you very much. ‘Well, your toothbrush, then. It’ll be dark. Don’t ask any more questions. Just buy one!’

All right, all right. I went to Argos, another thing I never do, to buy something I shall use for a couple of hours. Naturally it’s also hideous.

‘You’ll need marshmallows.’ Hang on, I loathe marshmallows. ‘Ok then, sausages.’ What about a nice bag of rocket salad? Queue hollow laughter. ‘Get the sausages. Oh, and bring a parasol, sleeping bag, plastic plates, matches, candles, loo paper, cutlery …..See you there.’

Fine. So my one night’s camping has cost as much as a night at the Ritz, and the stuff I’ve bought is yucky beyond belief. But somehow, I am still looking forward to it. A whole night’s camping. It could be ….fun.

Unless I find a pea under my lilo, of course. If that happens, I’ll be back before you can say ‘goosedown duvet’.

Wish me luck!

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  • Bluestocking Mum July 27, 2010 at 1:03 pm

    Ha ha ha!

    That’s fab. You will love it!
    Have fun.

    (From the girl with the Cath Kidston tent)


    PS – Just hope it doesn’t rain.
    PPS – hope there’s no spiders.

    • Dulwich Divorcee July 28, 2010 at 1:54 am

      I want a Cath Kidston tent too! Not fair. And I am shutting my eyes firmly to the PSs ….xx

  • Victoria July 27, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    One night – I thought you’d at least do a weekend !!!! Think of all those old campfire songs you can sing whilst burning your sausages. And don’t let that new collapsible chair get too near the fire either! So looking forward to all the excellent stories you’re going to blog about after this one. Hope the sun shines and you have a super time.

    • Dulwich Divorcee July 28, 2010 at 1:55 am

      Thank you, Victoria – I have a feeling one night might well feel like a week 🙂

  • Emma July 27, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    It’ll be amazing and you’ll come back converted and start planning a whole weekend camping trip 😉

    • Dulwich Divorcee July 28, 2010 at 1:55 am

      Erm, well, maybe – I’ll definitely be letting you know if I get the bug!

  • Addy July 27, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    Lol. I am Soooooo jealous. Greg and I used to go camping a lot when Kay was little right up to when she was about 14. I loved falling asleep to the sound of rustling trees and waking up to rain on the roof! I am a convert. I so miss it.

    • Dulwich Divorcee July 28, 2010 at 1:56 am

      Come with us! Sounds like you know how to put up a tent ….. lovely memories, thanks for those. Almost makes me quite excited! Almost, I said ….

  • Metropolitan Mum July 27, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    Just get a bottle of red and another one of jungle formula. Spray the latter generously and drink the first. Not the other way round!!

    • Dulwich Divorcee July 28, 2010 at 1:57 am

      Aha, MM, as always you know the stylish way round the problem ….I shall be getting a gallon or two of each xx

  • Laura July 27, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    I can’t wait to hear all about it … I never had you down as a camper.

    We’re going a week tomorrow for FIVE WHOLE NIGHTS. I can’t wait.

    • Dulwich Divorcee July 28, 2010 at 1:57 am

      Five whole nights, my goodness, I knew you were a woman of steel but this is the final proof ….if I survive tonight I’ll look forward to hearing all about it 😉

  • little red hen July 27, 2010 at 9:25 pm

    We go once a year for 3 nights only; it’s all I can handle. I have found that lots of wine makes the experience tolerable.

    • Dulwich Divorcee July 28, 2010 at 1:58 am

      Lots of wine is very valuable advice, I am stuffing the Chardonnay into the boot as we speak, wish me luck!

  • geekymummy July 27, 2010 at 10:30 pm

    My mum thought she hated camping, then my dad persuaded her to do one of those “eurocamp” things. She loved it, we bought a caravan and enjoyed so many lovely camping holidays. Except the ones in wales where we woke up floating on our lilos and had to paddle to the door of the tent. Probably shouldn;t have mentioned that. Fingers crossed for lovely weather. Have fun!

    • Dulwich Divorcee July 28, 2010 at 1:59 am

      I haven’t heard of Eurocamp, assuming I survive I shall be looking that up …..sort of wish I hadn’t read your Welsh experiences but the forecast is good for tonight ….I think …..

  • Heather - Notes From Lapland July 28, 2010 at 3:57 am

    Why? for the love of all things comfortable, why?

    • Dulwich Divorcee August 5, 2010 at 8:24 am

      Well, that’s a very good question, Heather. The answer is that I’m a pushover, dedicated only to the happiness of my children ….and I thought that just maybe it could be fun. And it was! Give it a go too x

  • Rosie Scribble July 30, 2010 at 5:55 am

    Camping? You mean no solid brick walls? No hair straightners? Will you even have access to a hairdryer? *shudders*

    • Dulwich Divorcee August 5, 2010 at 8:25 am

      There were no hairstraighteners, no hairdryer, a shower full of spiders and *gasp* no dishwasher!! But you know what, I came through it all – with a new appreciation for all my beloved gadgets xx

  • spudballoo August 1, 2010 at 12:17 am

    Did you survive? I’m a Very Reluctant Camper too….we had a one night ‘taster’ a few weeks ago and it was ok. No more, no less. In a week we are heading off for FIVE NIGHTS. Shudder. The stuff we do for our kids…..


    • Dulwich Divorcee August 5, 2010 at 8:26 am

      FIVE nights!! Wow, that’s a lot of camping ….I hope they have some sort of medal ready to give you on your return to civilisation ….I don’t think I could do more than one or two, possibly three if the Cath Kidston tent comes back into stock ….x

  • English Mum August 1, 2010 at 6:12 am

    OMG indeed. Mine are always on at me, but so far I’ve resisted (darling, we’ve got a whole house in Ireland – why would you want to holiday in a tent?).

    What I want to know is… erm… where do you go to the loo?

    • Dulwich Divorcee August 5, 2010 at 8:27 am

      There was a loo!! I know, I was worried about this too, but there was genuine plumbing. Not somewhere you’d wish to linger for ever, but perfectly servicable. Mind you, I’d prefer the house in Ireland if only I had one, lucky you xx

  • Crystal Jigsaw August 1, 2010 at 7:59 am

    Think I will wish you luck, but I couldn’t do it myself! Enjoy it though!

    CJ xx

    • Dulwich Divorcee August 5, 2010 at 8:28 am

      Thank you, CJ, I’ve returned unscathed and a convert! No accounting for tastes, is there? xx