Signs of improvement

September 15, 2009

I do feel guilty for inflicting my last whinge on you. Blimey, I shall have to do double the blessing counting if we’re to get through even the beginning of autumn in any sort of shape. Thanks for all your kind words and I’ll try not to do it again. I was going to counteract all that yucky self-pity with some lovely pictures today, of the roses blooming in my gorgeous little garden, but of course it’s lashing with rain and gloomier than Gordon Brown.

Instead, I’m presenting you with this chirpy list of advertising hoardings from my dear friend E in Brussels. I believe I’m right in saying that she, or her spies, have seen every single one of these signs with their very own eyes.

Sign over a gynecologist’s office:’Dr. Jones, at your cervix.’**************************

On a maternity room door:’Push. Push. Push.’**************************

In a podiatrist’s office:’Time wounds all heels.’**************************
On a septic tank truck:Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels**************************
On a plumber’s truck:’We repair what your husband fixed.’**************************
On another plumber’s truck:’Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.’**************************
On a church’s bill board:’7 days without God makes one weak.’**************************
At a tyre store, ‘Invite us to your next blowout.’**************************
On an electrician’s truck:’Let us remove your shorts.’**************************
At an optometrist’s office:’If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.’**************************
On a taxidermist’s window:’We really know our stuff.’**************************
On a fence:’Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!’**************************
At a car dealership:’The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.’**************************
Outside a car exhaust store:’No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.’**************************
In a vet’s waiting room:’Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!’**************************
In a sestaurant window:’Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.’**************************
In the front yard of a funeral home:’Drive carefully. We’ll wait.’**************************
And don’t forget the sign at a radiator shop:’Best place in town to take a leak.’**********************

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  • Angel Bluestocking September 15, 2009 at 9:13 am

    Hi DD

    You've obviously survived the shopping expedition. I hope you had fun and the girls didn't fleece you too much!
    Love the signs.
    Most of all you made me laugh saying 'it's lashing with rain and gloomier than Gordon Brown.'

    Err, who said you're not funny?

    warm wishes

  • rosiero September 15, 2009 at 9:31 am

    These cheered me up no end. Am going to take a copy.

  • Suburbia September 15, 2009 at 12:47 pm

    Thanks I needed a laugh!

    (answered your comment at mine regarding HOPE!)

  • Crystal Jigsaw September 16, 2009 at 12:04 pm

    Very good, really enjoyed reading through your list.

    CJ xx

  • Hot Cross Mum September 17, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    A most excellent list. Many congrats on the book and wordcount on second one. I now have word-count envy as I'm only at 15,000

  • dulwich divorcee September 17, 2009 at 2:57 pm

    Aw, thanks, Angel Blue. Yes, survived trial by changing room and they didn't even buy that much. Result!

  • dulwich divorcee September 17, 2009 at 2:58 pm

    Very glad to be of service,Rosiero! Hope all going better chez toi x

  • dulwich divorcee September 17, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    Ah, Suburbia, will pop in and see what you've said!

  • dulwich divorcee September 17, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    CJ, thank you! Just a little thing I threw together ….well, that someone else threw together ….x

  • dulwich divorcee September 17, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    Hot Cross, hello, welcome and love the name! No need to have wordcount envy, as 44,000 of my admittedly impressive tally are rubbish ….

  • YLM September 18, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    Hi DD, loved the list and came across it just when I needed a good giggle. Thanks!

  • geekymummy September 18, 2009 at 11:40 pm

    May I add one that has stuck in my mind for years?
    "Singh and Son, Builders. You've tried the cowboys, now try the Indians"

  • Michele September 22, 2009 at 1:47 am

    These are great (and yours too geekymummy). A favourite of mine was in the front garden of a bikie residence in suburban Sydney.
    "This house guarded by shotgun three days a week. You guess which three."

  • dulwich divorcee September 22, 2009 at 2:46 am

    YLM, nice to see you, happy to be of service!

  • dulwich divorcee September 22, 2009 at 2:46 am

    Geekymummy, excellent! Reminds me of a van I saw the other day saying 'South Norwood Glass Fitters – every pane a pleasure.'

  • dulwich divorcee September 22, 2009 at 2:47 am

    Michele, fabulous one and nice to see you. Not quite the image of Australia projected by Neighbours, my girls' favourite show!