October 11, 2010

You learn a lot about your friends when you accidentally spam them with a graphic invitation to improve their sexual performance.

I first realised I had a computer virus on Saturday when I started getting stacks of those ‘postmaster delivery status notification messages’ piling up in my inbox. I suppose it shouldn’t have been a huge surprise, as a friend had been firing out some very odd messages during the week. I’d clicked on one of these and that’s where my troubles started. Mine, I’m afraid, were even ruder and odder than hers, and were sent to everyone – and I mean everyone – in my address book, including my parents, brothers, old school friends ….. all kinds of people who probably don’t need Viagra and certainly wouldn’t tell me if they did.

Anyway, everything’s under control again now *fingers crossed* and I’d just like to say, my friends are fab. I was terribly upset about the virus, and the thought that I’d destroyed other people’s computers by accident, but everyone has been really understanding. If you do get the virus, by the way, just change your hotmail password and that seems to do the trick.

I’d just like to say to S, who ordered six boxes of Viagra on the strength of my recommendation, that no, sadly I can’t organise a refund. To M, I’m afraid I simply don’t believe you bought it for your housekeeper but my lips are totally sealed and will be forever, and to B, who said, ‘The only reason I didn’t think it was you was because the spelling was so bad,’ I’ shall just add – blimmin cheek!

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  • jay (@cosmicgirlie) October 11, 2010 at 8:11 am

    I’ll take one of those six boxes.

    Er, cos I’m going to sell them on. Obviously.

    • Dulwich Divorcee October 11, 2010 at 10:10 am

      Oh yes, obviously *coughs nervously*. That’ll be the plain brown wrapping then, madam?

  • Footballers Knees October 11, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    Well, wouldn’t you rather be known as a user of viagra than a bad speller? I would!

    • Dulwich Divorcee October 12, 2010 at 6:08 am

      Hmmm, a tricky one ….if I were using the viagra for myself then something would be seriously amiss anatomically …. on the other hand I do suffer genuine physical pain when I see mispellings …. no, it’s all too much, I shall have to lie down quietly for a while ….

  • naomi October 12, 2010 at 7:17 am

    How funny – but poor you. I am so wary of weird emails I just leave them for my husband to check out before I click.

    • Dulwich Divorcee October 13, 2010 at 7:29 am

      I wonder if he’d mind looking mine over too, from now on? 😉