Anyway, read and enjoy. Oh yes, and possibly snigger, too:

‘CHECKLIST FOR DEALING WITH A TELEPHONE BOMB THREAT

 Immediately alert the person responsible for security or your manager, but DO NOT PUT DOWN THE HANDSET OR CUT OFF THE CONVERSATION.      Obtain as much information as you can. Complete this form as you go along.

 Time of call……………………………………………………………………………

 Message (write down the exact words)………………………………………………

Code Words………………………………………………………………………….

 What time will it go off……………….. What does it look like…………………….

 What type of bomb is it……………………………………………………………..

 Why are you doing this……………………………………………………………..

 DETAILS OF CALLER:

 Man                                                                                    Old                             

Woman                                                                               Young                        

 SPEECH:

 Intoxicated                                                                         Laughing                    

Rational                                                                              Serious                       

Rambling                                                                            Message Read            

Impediment                                                                        Spontaneous               

Accent (specify)                 …………………….               Disguised                   

OTHER NOISES:

 Traffic                                                                                Railway Station         

Talking                                                                               Music                         

Typing                                                                                Children                     

Machinery                                                                          Other                          

Aircraft                      

As soon as the call has finished, give this form to the person responsible for security or your manager, who will decide what to do.’

Don’t you just love it? Particularly the bit at the end, where you put your life into the hands of your manager and wait calmly for him or her to save your life.

Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer the traditional way of dealing with a bomb threat. You shout, ‘OMG, it’s a bomb,’ and then you run as fast as your Boden kitten heels will let you. Good luck, everyone!