The Secret

June 2, 2008

There is only one way to get over the duvet debacle, and that’s to change my entire life and everything in it. Apart, of course, from my darling children, my house, my cat, my friends and the car that I have become quite attatched to (both because I can’t turn the seat-warmer facility off and tend to stick to it, and because otherwise I’d have to walk).

Luckily, my lovely sister-in-law sent me her CDs of The Secret about a year ago. The Secret turns out not to be the address of the Louis Vuitton clearance store, as I’d dearly hoped (please don’t tell me this doesn’t exist, a girl can dream and I don’t look good crying as True Love can testify). Instead, it is a motivational slash thought training programme to turn life’s losers – like me – into all-out, glossy, permagrinning winners. This is very tempting and I must admit, after initial resistance to the sound track, which is part African drums, part spooky chanting, I settle down obediently to have my life changed.

The Secret itself, confides the Australian lady authoress in soothing tones, is the Law of Attraction. I suppose it says little for this Law that it took a year or so for me to be attracted to the CDs in the first place – but she would probably say the fact that I am now listening means it does work, and that I am just a bit slow. The Law means that you get what you ask for – if you think constantly about debt, misery and revenge (guilty) then that is exactly what you will have. If, on the other hand, you think non-stop about Louis Vuitton, wads of cash and romance, then the universe will provide. Irresistible, huh?

Some bits of the philosophy are worrying – for instance, people killed by deranged dictators must have wanted to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Hm, surely not. And, on weight, the authoress is positive that people ‘think themselves fat’. Silly me, I thought it was something to do with chocolate. After half term, I really should know – to succour myself I have taken to eating my own bodyweight in chocolate peanuts and raisins every night and, as I discovered as I was passing the mirror the other day, even my neck has put on about half a stone.

Well, I am very happy to put it all to the test. Thinking thin suits me an awful lot better than going to the gym! Wish me luck, wish me skinny and I’ll report back soon.

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  • John Curtis June 2, 2008 at 9:48 am

    The Secret is the latest and by far the worst example of a HIGHLY profitable trend where self-help gurus with fabricated new age titles and little relevant education, credentials or legitimate expertise brainwash us into believing that they know what is best for us, our marriages and our families.

    Often their only contribution to society is introducing some exotic sounding, new age philosophy. However, they often cleverly form an incestuous group of like-minded “experts” who cross-promote each other by swearing their success is due to following the beliefs of another member of their “cult!” All the while, they ply the airwaves jockeying for an ever-larger audience by appearing in the national media to garner third-party endorsements.

    The Self-Help Movement has become the Self-Destruct Movement by diminishing or destroying our critical thinking skills to choose and evolve on our own. We have given up the freedom to build healthy lives, marriages and families based on our unique history and life experience. Instead many victims, blinded to the value of their own life experiences, are attracted to the latest secret in self-help, in an attempt to find out what they should think, feel and how they should act… this is the definition of a cult.

    The solution is a return to our (common) senses! The best way out of this learned “self-helplessness” is to go cold turkey. Stop following ALL self-help gurus now. Begin, instead, to reclaim your natural, God-given ability to think for yourself. The common sense that was once readily available to all of us is still there free of charge and waiting to be applied to just about any challenge we might face in life… all you have to do is use it.

    Please, let’s all work together to stop the flock of “sheepeople” who blindly move from one UNPROVEN concept to the next, looking for the answers to life’s challenges that you already possess and that is the OBVIOUS!

  • DulwichDivorcee June 2, 2008 at 11:47 am

    Hi John, thanks for popping in. Oooh, you do seem masterful. Maybe I should just do exactly what you say …..!!

  • rosiero June 2, 2008 at 2:49 pm

    OMG. I too spent the half-term munching mountains of chocolate peanuts and now they seem to be poking through my hips like flabby lumps!! Must do a hundred press-ups tomorrow.

    As for The Secret – I have never heard of it – will I be burned in hell?

  • DulwichDivorcee June 3, 2008 at 2:05 am

    Hi Rosiero, so glad you are another victim of chocolate peanut moreishness. Aren’t they lovely? I wouldn’t worry about the knobbly bits – I now have them all over my body and have become quite fond of them. As for hell, I don’t think it exists, according to the Secret, so we’re all right there too!

  • goodbyetoallfat June 3, 2008 at 7:59 pm

    “the authoress is positive that people ‘think themselves fat’.”

    Oh, so that explains it!

    Of course, how all I have to do is spend 24 hours dreaming / wishing / thinking myself THIN and I will wake up size 10?

    Somehow I think not !!!

    Congrats on the column, by the way.


  • DulwichDivorcee June 4, 2008 at 1:58 am

    Exactly, Sharon, isn’t it just absolutely fab? I am awaiting delivery of the convoy of LV handbags I’ve asked the universe for. I can’t think why they’re late …Meanwhile I’m still thinking away the peanut mountain …actually it’s quite hard work ….better have another bag to keep my strength up …And thanks about the column, is a big adventure for me x