There is only one way to get over the duvet debacle, and that’s to change my entire life and everything in it. Apart, of course, from my darling children, my house, my cat, my friends and the car that I have become quite attatched to (both because I can’t turn the seat-warmer facility off and tend to stick to it, and because otherwise I’d have to walk).
Luckily, my lovely sister-in-law sent me her CDs of The Secret about a year ago. The Secret turns out not to be the address of the Louis Vuitton clearance store, as I’d dearly hoped (please don’t tell me this doesn’t exist, a girl can dream and I don’t look good crying as True Love can testify). Instead, it is a motivational slash thought training programme to turn life’s losers – like me – into all-out, glossy, permagrinning winners. This is very tempting and I must admit, after initial resistance to the sound track, which is part African drums, part spooky chanting, I settle down obediently to have my life changed.
The Secret itself, confides the Australian lady authoress in soothing tones, is the Law of Attraction. I suppose it says little for this Law that it took a year or so for me to be attracted to the CDs in the first place – but she would probably say the fact that I am now listening means it does work, and that I am just a bit slow. The Law means that you get what you ask for – if you think constantly about debt, misery and revenge (guilty) then that is exactly what you will have. If, on the other hand, you think non-stop about Louis Vuitton, wads of cash and romance, then the universe will provide. Irresistible, huh?
Some bits of the philosophy are worrying – for instance, people killed by deranged dictators must have wanted to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Hm, surely not. And, on weight, the authoress is positive that people ‘think themselves fat’. Silly me, I thought it was something to do with chocolate. After half term, I really should know – to succour myself I have taken to eating my own bodyweight in chocolate peanuts and raisins every night and, as I discovered as I was passing the mirror the other day, even my neck has put on about half a stone.
Well, I am very happy to put it all to the test. Thinking thin suits me an awful lot better than going to the gym! Wish me luck, wish me skinny and I’ll report back soon.