You know you have writer’s block when:
1. You do little sums in your head to work out how many words you’ve already written and how many you still have to go before you hit the target of 500 a day.
2. These little sums get more and more complicated and start to involve calculators, square roots and counting long words as two or, in the case of antidisestablishmentarianism, as three. And that’s a word that crops up surprisingly often in my book. Which is a little odd, as it’s chicklit, not a critique of the 19th century High Church movement.
3. You find yourself welcoming the Ocado man like a long-lost friend and try to start a long chat with the words, ‘lovely weather we’re having!’. Then you notice it’s raining.
4. The idea of clearing out the cellar becomes curiously compelling. That spider phobia? Yep, it’s vanished.
5. The very act of opening up your novel gives you an irresistible thirst for tea. Then you realise that, whoops, you’re out of teabags and, before you know it, you’re in the middle of Sainsbury’s studying the, erm, white wine section. Is it chardonnay o’clock yet?
6. You tell everyone not to ring you between 9 and ten. Then, when the phone goes, you leap on it and chat away to the double glazing sales lady. Eventually, she puts the phone down on you ….
7. You spend the whole day on Twitter, telling everyone you’ve got writer’s block. But that doesn’t seem to appy to those 140 characters, now does it?
8. You actually encourage the cat to come and sit on your computer keyboard. You can’t possibly disturb her now she’s settled down. She looks so cute!
9. As it’s raining outside, her little wet paws short-circuit your ancient computer and blow the whole lot up. And you’re glad!
10. You’re just thinking of your 499th word, once the computer mender has left, when you catch sight of the clock. 3.20! Yikes, got to get the girls. Damn, and it was all going so well today too …..oh well, there’s always tomorrow …..