5 Things I’ve Learned about Nativity Plays

December 22, 2016

Things I’ve learned about school Christmas and Nativity shows over the years:

  1. It’s a very brave primary school that runs a string quartet for year 4 kids. It’s an even braver school that lets the children go ahead with their number when the teacher has cried off saying they’re ill.
  2. If you are the violin teacher of a year 4 string quartet, you should definitely always say you are ill.
  3.  The head teacher should probably resist the temptation to ask the cast whether they enjoyed taking part, on microphone, in front of the entire audience. This year’s Mary complained that she had no lines and had to drag her own donkey all the way to Bethlehem, while Joseph was busy ‘helping’ the angels.
  4. Be afraid, be very afraid, when you ask a child whether they know any carols and they say that they know almost all the words to Last Christmas by
  5. Whatever part your children had in their Nativity play, it’s better than the poor soul who played grass in his, wearing a head to toe green astroturf number. Probably.


On the plus side, if you’ve always felt cheated of your rightful role as the Archangel Gabriel, then our church is doing a special service (5.45, Christmas Eve, St Margarets, Lee) where you can turn up in the Nativity costume of your choice. I think it’s aimed at children but don’t let that hold you back.

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  • little red hen December 22, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    At least they cut him holes in his balaclava so he can breath. Our schools can’t do anything religious but the “Winter Holiday” concerts are hysterical. We’re done with school concerts now and I can’t say I miss them.

    • Dulwich Divorcee January 9, 2017 at 11:18 am

      Oh, give it a few years and you’ll be nostalgic like me! I never thought I’d see the day, in the throes of making ridiculous costumes/hearing line(s) etc but now I look back on it all with great fondness 🙂

  • Addy December 23, 2016 at 11:24 am

    Had to laugh at the poor little thing playing grass. Still, I suppose he could at last have little nap if he felt like it. Hope you and the family have a lovely Christmas and wish you all the best for 2017. x

    • Dulwich Divorcee January 9, 2017 at 11:17 am

      Thanks for your lovely wishes, Addy, hope you had a lovely Christmas and New Year too. May you have a wonderful year ahead x