So there I was, banned from seeing the latest Harry Potter film – even though I have faithfully taken the girls to all the other films, read the books, bought the DVDs and even asked them all the quiz questions on long car journeys across Europe. I am one of the few people without the surname Rowling who know every single ingredient of polyjuice potion. As you know, I bear things bravely, so I only wrote one whingeing blog post about it and restrained myself to tweeting on the sad subject oh, I don’t know, maybe ten times? Nothing, really.
Anyway, my moaning fortitude bore fruit. Child One arranged to see Harry Potter with a friend on Saturday, and Child Two graciously agreed to accompany me to the film as well. Yippee! I was getting quite excited. Then Child One said casually, ‘Oh, but you’re not coming to the same cinema as me and my friend.’ What? Surely Child Two and I could slip in at the back and she would scarcely even know we were there. Plus I could give her a lift there and back. But no, she was adamant. ‘I want to go on the train. And you’ll only do something embarrassing, like smile at me.’
The snow soon made Child One relent on the train front. She graciously consented to getting a lift, as Southern cancelled all their services and there was no other way to get there, short of walking. But I still wasn’t allowed in the same cinema. Well, heaven forbid I should smile at my own child. So I booked seats for her and her friend with my credit card, then investigated showtimes at other cinemas. There was just about time to get from one place to the other, assuming there was absolutely no traffic on the road on a Saturday before Christmas and also assuming that I was driving a Porsche, instead of the MPV which one kind friend refers to as ‘your van.’
There was just one tiny flylette in the oinkment, as Child Two used to call it. I couldn’t book our seats for Harry Potter, as I would have to give my credit card to Child One to pick up her tickets, and I only have one card. So we’d just have to take a chance that no one else wanted to see the most popular film in the UK.
Off we set, with me perhaps a little glum at the prospect of my forthcoming sprint across South London at warp factor 20 to get to the other cinema, battling through the ice and deranged shoppers, and reached the first cinema a little late. Thankfully, Child One’s friend was not around to see me smiling at my child (not that I felt much like it by that time). Child One then suddenly relented. ‘All right, you can come to this cinema. But Don’t Smile. And Don’t Wave.’
Phew! I agreed not to move in any direction if at all possible, and to keep my face as expression-free as an X Factor judge. In we toddled, Child One sailing over and retrieving her tickets from the machine with my card. Child Two and I joined the interminable queue for Harry Potter. As we finally reached the counter, several hours later, we were told, ‘sorry, sold out.’
We saw Megamind in 3D. It was quite good. I’m not moaning. I’m really, really not. Grrr.
I tell you what, you could cheer me, and possibly yourself, up by clicking over to Next . They have this fabulous Twelve Days of Christmas giveaway going on and today you could win an iPod Touch and accessories worth over £330. Here’s the picture: