The Fool on Herne Hill

April 17, 2008

As Dulwich’s foremost expert on divorce (as you know, I am actually the only person in Dulwich who is divorced, the rest of the place being stuffed with ridiculously happy couples) I expect you have all been waiting for my pronouncement on the recent McCartney split.

In fact, I find it quite hard to be sympathetic to either side. Poor Sir Paul seems to be fulfilling a reasonably useful function as a one-man demonstration of the truth of a whole raft of cliches – there’s no fool like an old fool, a fool and his money are soon parted, the fool on the hill, oh no, that’s not one – while I suppose Heather is doing her best to be even more of a cautionary tale than me. Uppity blonde decides to dump man and gets more than she bargained for? Crime doesn’t pay, except that, whoops, it actually pays £24 million? Hell hath no fury like a woman who has to cook too many chops?

Well, one thing is clear – Heather has been fleeced. She won’t get many meals in Pizza Express for little Beatrice with that paltry sum, and that’s without even calculating the cost of birthday parties at All Fired Up for the next ten years or so. Worse still, there is unlikely to be a succession of eager millionaires trooping their way to her door, keen to be the next ex-Mr Mills. Particularly not ones with dyed hair and a drug problem.

Looking like a woman out of control is very unattractive, and I should know. Part of the point of lovely Heather was that we could gaze on her beautiful face, and think how wonderful she was and how she had refused to let her disability get in her way. Now we are all too well aware of the struggle she goes through and it’s just too much like watching the swan’s legs – sorry Heather -paddling madly away, when all we want to see is that pretty white creature gliding through the water.

There is just no easy way to be a divorced woman, or a woman at all, come to that. I think the truth is that we all deserve £24 million, and I’d like mine in a combination of Louis Vuitton vouchers, Neuhaus pralines and Armani separates, please.

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  • Nunhead Mum of One April 17, 2008 at 8:37 am

    Mac loves All Fired Up – David refuses to take him though because exposure to that much tie dye and henna makes him queasy. I assume he’s talking about the staff and not the patrons but hey, who knows.

    £24 million huh? What I could do with that.

  • marriedwithfour April 17, 2008 at 1:47 pm

    I’m with you on the Vuitton and Armani vouchers, sod the cash, I’d be happy to live in a shed, surrounded by a pile of bags, scarfs, sunglasses, shoes etc etc. Oh darling DD can you add me to your Blogroll when you get time. Thanks so much. x MW4 x

  • Potty Mummy April 17, 2008 at 3:36 pm

    Neuhaus? You need to get over to Rococco on the Kings Road. Not that £24 million will buy you that may chocolates there…

  • DulwichDivorcee April 18, 2008 at 1:51 am

    NMO, yes, All Fired Up is fab – but maybe that’s because my little dears are so talented. Am drinking my lapsang from a mug in the shape of a skull painted splodgy grey, black and orange by my youngest in honour of Halloween. Well worth £20plus studio fee, I say! Hadn’t noticed the tie dye element but it figures ….x

  • DulwichDivorcee April 18, 2008 at 1:53 am

    MW4, I do so agree, though it would have to be one of those nice summerhouse-type sheds, maybe with a turret, painted Farrow and Ball verdigris and with a matching little bird house outside …plus walk in wardrobe of course. Have added you to blogroll, looking forward to hearing when those sunglasses come in x

  • DulwichDivorcee April 18, 2008 at 2:00 am

    You see, PM, there is good shopping to be had in your neck of the woods ….yes, I do love Rococco but sadly am banned from entering Kings Rd by my bank manager. I hate to see a grown man weep …well, actually it can be fun but I rarely have the time these days x