Time for a little refresher on how things are going, since I discovered The Secret:
1. Weight loss. You may recall that my half term stupor had left me with an attractive brontosaurus neck, thanks to ingesting several hundredweight of Tescos chocolate peanuts and raisins on the sofa. Well, thanks to concentrating on Thin Thoughts, the neck has deflated slightly! Before you even say it, dearest Goodbyetoallfat, this may also have had something to do with my horrific cold/sore throat, which has prevented me from staggering to the fridge in the odd moment when I am not required to drive my darlings to their violin, ballroom dancing and bassoon lessons since school started again.
2. Handbags. Strangely, the Louis Vuitton handbag hasn’t arrived yet. I expect it’s just held up in the post.
3. Huge cheques. These haven’t come either. Tsk, that post really is appalling.
4. Newspaper column! This is obviously fabulous – but I did hear about it before I started listening to The Secret so I don’t think it can count. And, unfortunately, it does seem to have become a bit of a misogynist magnet. Honestly, men!
5. True Love. Despite my valiant efforts to think happy thoughts and project a future where we are together in blissful harmony, all I’ve had for my pains is a text saying he is getting to the bottom of things. Yes, but whose bottom, that’s what I want to know! Sniff.
6. Blessings. Part of the Secret is counting these, and I must say this is no struggle. Here I am, living in lovely Dulwich, with lots of friends, both corporeal and cyber, my gorgeous children, a slightly dysfunctional cat, a plentiful supply of chocolate peanuts ….no, no, I’m going to slam the fridge door now ….and ….oooh, is that the postman I hear?